A Typically Strange Conversation
"Hello, this is Bill Sheehan."
"Yo," I said. "What up dog?" I love catching my best friend off guard at work. He's used to getting some serious conversation, and instead he gets his alter-ego.
"Not too much Paddy. How you doin'?"
"Good, good. Listen, this Big East boat cruise that's comin' up in a couple weeks...you down?"
Billy paused. "What boat cruise? I haven't heard a thing about it." Of course he hadn't. Forget being in the loop; Sheehan's subconscious refuses to acknowledge that the loop even exists.
"Forty-five bucks, all you can drink. Two hour cruise, leaves from North Pier at 6:30 four weeks from this past Wednesday. It's fifty if we wait 'til day-of. What do you think? We can get drunk and make fun of people we haven't seen in a while. It's fun, I went a couple years ago."
I knew what was coming--that should go without saying. I've got years of experience at this.
"Geez, Paddy, I dunno. Big East? I'm not going to know anybody there."
"William," I say, reading from the script of this very same conversation we've had every single year for the last six since we finished college, "Notre Dame IS in the Big East, remember? They've been in the Big East for basketball for like ten years, you'll know people there, trust me dude. Plus there's tons of kids from the Academy"
"Oh, there's going to be N.D. people there?" Pause. "Well then, fuck no, I'm DEFINITELY not going if there's N.D. people there."
"So you weren't going to go because you thought you wouldn't know anybody, but now you don't want to go because you might know people?"
"Yeah, something like that. Plus, it's a school night."
"But it's over by 8:30, you can be home before 9. Food, open bar, nice breeze, the strong possibility of freshly graduated nubile ass to grab. Plus, it's the summertime man! Cut loose a little!" Easy for me to say: I don't have one damn thing close to resembling responsibility in my life right now.
"Nah, Paddy, doesn't sound like my cup of tea. Count me out," he said.
I should be used to this sort of drivel by now, but it still really pisses me off. It's a step on the way to ultimate success. I know that my best friend will decline any and all invitations at first, but eventually I'll succeed. C'mon, is it a hard sale to begin with? "Let's go get drunk as hell on a floating bar!" I refuse to admit defeat until the event has passed, but that's irrelevant. He's getting his sorry ass to the party.
"All right, keep it in mind and let me know if you want to go," I said. "See ya."
I MIGHT have said something quasi-defeatist, but f that! The seed has been planted; that's all that was necessary. I excel at being a bad infuluence. I'm like the devil on everyone's shoulder, but mostly people thank me for it after the fact.
(Postscript: We ended up not going to the boat cruise anyway, as Sheehan knew what I was calling about and didn't pick up his phone. Take, Paddy!)
"Yo," I said. "What up dog?" I love catching my best friend off guard at work. He's used to getting some serious conversation, and instead he gets his alter-ego.
"Not too much Paddy. How you doin'?"
"Good, good. Listen, this Big East boat cruise that's comin' up in a couple weeks...you down?"
Billy paused. "What boat cruise? I haven't heard a thing about it." Of course he hadn't. Forget being in the loop; Sheehan's subconscious refuses to acknowledge that the loop even exists.
"Forty-five bucks, all you can drink. Two hour cruise, leaves from North Pier at 6:30 four weeks from this past Wednesday. It's fifty if we wait 'til day-of. What do you think? We can get drunk and make fun of people we haven't seen in a while. It's fun, I went a couple years ago."
I knew what was coming--that should go without saying. I've got years of experience at this.
"Geez, Paddy, I dunno. Big East? I'm not going to know anybody there."
"William," I say, reading from the script of this very same conversation we've had every single year for the last six since we finished college, "Notre Dame IS in the Big East, remember? They've been in the Big East for basketball for like ten years, you'll know people there, trust me dude. Plus there's tons of kids from the Academy"
"Oh, there's going to be N.D. people there?" Pause. "Well then, fuck no, I'm DEFINITELY not going if there's N.D. people there."
"So you weren't going to go because you thought you wouldn't know anybody, but now you don't want to go because you might know people?"
"Yeah, something like that. Plus, it's a school night."
"But it's over by 8:30, you can be home before 9. Food, open bar, nice breeze, the strong possibility of freshly graduated nubile ass to grab. Plus, it's the summertime man! Cut loose a little!" Easy for me to say: I don't have one damn thing close to resembling responsibility in my life right now.
"Nah, Paddy, doesn't sound like my cup of tea. Count me out," he said.
I should be used to this sort of drivel by now, but it still really pisses me off. It's a step on the way to ultimate success. I know that my best friend will decline any and all invitations at first, but eventually I'll succeed. C'mon, is it a hard sale to begin with? "Let's go get drunk as hell on a floating bar!" I refuse to admit defeat until the event has passed, but that's irrelevant. He's getting his sorry ass to the party.
"All right, keep it in mind and let me know if you want to go," I said. "See ya."
I MIGHT have said something quasi-defeatist, but f that! The seed has been planted; that's all that was necessary. I excel at being a bad infuluence. I'm like the devil on everyone's shoulder, but mostly people thank me for it after the fact.
(Postscript: We ended up not going to the boat cruise anyway, as Sheehan knew what I was calling about and didn't pick up his phone. Take, Paddy!)
posted by Pat at 10:56 PM
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