Patpourri

"I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you. Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. Good day to you, madam."--John Candy as Buck Russell, "Uncle Buck"

"Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of her house, and then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other hand jobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch. Why am I telling you this now? Because you're such a good friend. Take care, pal. Fondly, Dirk Calloway."--Mason Gamble, "Rushmore"

"I submit that you took that baseball, stuffed it in your unusually large vagina, and walked right on out of here."--Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"