A New One
I just heard back from a hedge fund that I'm overqualified to be their bitch. It seems like I'm either overqualified or underqualified for everything I try to do. It's frustrating. Where do I fit in? I have this creeping sensation that the answer is nowhere, but, I must admit, I kind of get off on that. Still, an odd sense of satisfaction does little to pay the bills or lend purpose to my life, which leaves me with little hope but to keep soldiering on.
If indeed the answer is that I fit in nowhere, I guess that's a sign that it's time to resume the Pruitt project. I put it to the side a few weeks ago in the hopes of an inspiration strike, for I am frozen on the third portion of the book, which details the affairs of his personal life. His family and friends are easy to conjure because they play more or less peripheral roles in this story. Rich's girlfriend presents the tricky part, because he spends most of the third part with her, and it is through her that we truly come to love him through their affection for one another. I have laid out in my mind exactly what she looks like and a good deal about her background, but I've gotten stuck on (how to put this?) the exact mechanations of how they relate. It's not easy to imagine a relationship with no foundation in truth, what with all the twists and turns and contrasting opinions and surprises and so forth that make loving someone such a vital, human experience.
I mentioned to Ellen, the girl I'm seeing, my problem with regard to Rich's girlfriend, since she went to Kellogg and is a writer herself (only she gets paid to do it).
"So," she said, with a stern yet comical look she's famous for, "I'm research for a book, huh?"
"No," I said, lying. She saw right through it. I have a pretty tough time lying to her. I didn't want to say much more about it, so I mumbled something (which follows, in legible form) and changed the subject.
It's not that I plan to reproduce specifics about our relationship into the novel. The important thing is that being in a functional, normal relationship puts me in the right frame of mind for creating this love affair out of thin air, and crafting this relationship in just the right way will make or break this story.
Getting back to the original point, I've begun to believe with increasing frequency that, if it is the case that I don't really fit in anywhere, I must make up some place where I can feel most at home. And the act that feels most comfortable to me is creating intricate webs of words. I've known that I possessed this talent since I was five or six years old, even through the flurry of realizations that freshly dawn on me each day.
If indeed the answer is that I fit in nowhere, I guess that's a sign that it's time to resume the Pruitt project. I put it to the side a few weeks ago in the hopes of an inspiration strike, for I am frozen on the third portion of the book, which details the affairs of his personal life. His family and friends are easy to conjure because they play more or less peripheral roles in this story. Rich's girlfriend presents the tricky part, because he spends most of the third part with her, and it is through her that we truly come to love him through their affection for one another. I have laid out in my mind exactly what she looks like and a good deal about her background, but I've gotten stuck on (how to put this?) the exact mechanations of how they relate. It's not easy to imagine a relationship with no foundation in truth, what with all the twists and turns and contrasting opinions and surprises and so forth that make loving someone such a vital, human experience.
I mentioned to Ellen, the girl I'm seeing, my problem with regard to Rich's girlfriend, since she went to Kellogg and is a writer herself (only she gets paid to do it).
"So," she said, with a stern yet comical look she's famous for, "I'm research for a book, huh?"
"No," I said, lying. She saw right through it. I have a pretty tough time lying to her. I didn't want to say much more about it, so I mumbled something (which follows, in legible form) and changed the subject.
It's not that I plan to reproduce specifics about our relationship into the novel. The important thing is that being in a functional, normal relationship puts me in the right frame of mind for creating this love affair out of thin air, and crafting this relationship in just the right way will make or break this story.
Getting back to the original point, I've begun to believe with increasing frequency that, if it is the case that I don't really fit in anywhere, I must make up some place where I can feel most at home. And the act that feels most comfortable to me is creating intricate webs of words. I've known that I possessed this talent since I was five or six years old, even through the flurry of realizations that freshly dawn on me each day.
posted by Pat at 2:52 PM
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