Maxims of the Single Guy

When I say I haven't had hardly anything to drink, I'm lying.

It's nothing personal; it's just that sometimes I'd rather stay in and play video games.

Two hours of shopping is two hours too long.

Sports is more important than sex, because sporting events take place many times per day, whereas I can only take place a couple of times per day.

Raisinettes and popcorn at the movie theater constitute "dinner out."

Of course I'm checking out other women. And, it's not about how hot you are; it's about how hot they are.

It's not that I care about my car more than I care about you, but would you care as much about me if I drove a crappy car?

I don't actually need to work out in order to stay skinny; I'm just saying that to make you feel better.

My apartment is never even marginally clean until you tell me you're coming over.

What your mom said about me is totally relevant, but only to you.

I'm always doing other stuff while speaking with you on the phone.

You're beautiful, but so is an unopened bottle of Cuervo 1800.

I don't necessarily dislike pillow talk; it's just that I'd rather roll over and go right to sleep.

I like your friends, but not nearly as much as I love my buddies.

I hate sushi.

I'm always thinking about sex, just not necessarily with you.

It's never, ever going to be a good time to have the big relationship talk.

I have a better chance of recalling the last ten Heisman, Stanley Cup, World Series, Super Bowl, and March Madness winners than any one of your grandparents' names.

There's no such thing as "too revealing."

I can't figure out why you stay with me either.