Uncivil War
In this Civil War, the North loses. Motherfucker.
As evidenced this week against the World Champion (hurl dry-heave hurl) White Sox, the current Cubs team isn't close to competing at a high level. Yet, pretty much all of these idiots are signed through next year -- players and staff alike -- and it's unlikely that we see any (vital) changes. Dusty's contract is up at the end of the year, but deep down you and I both know he's getting another contract. Simply put, MacPhail and Hendry are idiots and can't be bothered with finding a manager who knows how to teach basic baseball tactics. From the Tribune's point of view, the Cubs are one of their only business segments that actually turns a profit, so who gives a shit about win-loss records? It's the same old sad story, over and over and over.
We're getting absolutely murdered in this Crosstown Classic, to a point that it's not even funny. After the debacles of Friday and Saturday, do I really need to list additional reasons why the Three Stooges Should be fired? Is a 4-15 record in May not enough? How's about this:
"Glendon throws 80 and straight. Let's lock him up for two years, and slot him into the third spot in the rotation."
"Jim does a great job of doing just barely not enough. Let's give him a two-year extension, and hope Dusty can cobble together a .500 record, so we can make a nice profit and keep the press somewhat off of our ass."
"Neifi swings and misses well from both sides of the plate. Let's lock him up for two years, and work him into every single game."
Hendry is primarily to blame for the current mess, but it's not like MacPhail or Baker have done anything to help the team get stronger. I doubt either of them had a problem with Hendry raiding the minors over the off-season to arrange this pile of crap squad, and now what we're left for the future appears to be another pile of crap. I mean, at this point, who the fuck would want damaged goods like Guzman, Wuertz or Williams? Thanks to the psychological damage inflicted by being called up too early and receiving zero instruction from the world's most detached coaching staff, none of our prospects appear to have any prospects. The way I see it, thanks to the Three Stooges, the Cubs have a whole bunch of young guys that are going to need a lot of un-learning if they're ever going to get good, which more or less ensures Cub futility for several years to come. And, in a sick and twisted way, the certainty of a rebuilding effort serves as job security for these boobs, because who else would even be willing to rebuild the organization AGAIN? They made this bed, let them sleep in it -- or so the thinking from the Tribune Tower seems to be.
Cubs fans are clamoring for a trade involving some veteran superstar, but what do the Cubs have to offer in a trade? All we have is problems, and who wants those? Who in their right mind would take Neifi or Glendon off our hands? Who'd want to assume nursemaid responsibilities for Wood or Prior? We've got two catchers, one of who can hit but not catch, and the other who can catch but not hit. We've got six guys who can play second, but only one of them can bat his weight. We've got a strong bullpen that we barely use and never get to, but can't afford to part with because godforbid we need them at some point. For fuck's sake: Our best pitcher is probably going to retire after this year. What a train wreck.
Basically, we're stuck with this pile of crap for the rest of the summer, and probably for next summer as well. Forget that we should never have signed half of the bench in the first place -- but what do the fans know anyway? Well, I'll tell you what I know: I was able to establish a long, long time ago that Rusch is terrible, that Perez was way over the hill, and that Blanco is capable of batting under .100. While it is extremely difficult to guess which youngsters will be superstars, it doesn't take a genius to point out a veteran guy who completely blows. And that, for all of you outsiders, is the essence of why the Cubs have always sucked: Cub history is liberally sprinkled with horrendous veteran personnel moves, teamed with a bunch of young guys we got lucky with.
Anyway, not surprisingly, the Cubs' play this weekend has left me bitter and defenseless, and when I feel bitter and defenseless, I start insulting people with impunity.
Today at the course, for example, a teenaged kid asked me if I like the White Sox. Reflexively, I said, "No. The bodywork on my car is one contiguous color, and I have all of my teeth." He gave me a look of utter confusion and walked away. Of course he didn't get it. He's a White Sox fan. I engaged in two other verbal confrontations as well, one involving a woman, another involving a barista, neither of which I care to comment upon.
Welcome to Chicago's on-going civil war. If you're a North Sider, Barrett was provoked and cracked a universally despised asshole. If you're a South Sider, Barrett wontonly attacked Pierzynski, because everybody knows how A.J. is sooooo misunderstood. My fucking ass. I actually heard him whine on the radio afterwards that he doesn't know why he's always involved in controversial plays. It's because you're such a huge fucking asshole, A.J. Figure it the fuck out.
I can't believe the White Sox are this much better than us. F them. And, while I'm at it, f the DH, and screw the whole American League. I forget how much I hate the Sox until we actually play them, then I boil over with anger. I still hate the Cardinals more, though, for the record. If Whichever Molina pulled a Pierzynski, I'd be the first one waiting by the Cards team bus with a cup full of piss.
As evidenced this week against the World Champion (hurl dry-heave hurl) White Sox, the current Cubs team isn't close to competing at a high level. Yet, pretty much all of these idiots are signed through next year -- players and staff alike -- and it's unlikely that we see any (vital) changes. Dusty's contract is up at the end of the year, but deep down you and I both know he's getting another contract. Simply put, MacPhail and Hendry are idiots and can't be bothered with finding a manager who knows how to teach basic baseball tactics. From the Tribune's point of view, the Cubs are one of their only business segments that actually turns a profit, so who gives a shit about win-loss records? It's the same old sad story, over and over and over.
We're getting absolutely murdered in this Crosstown Classic, to a point that it's not even funny. After the debacles of Friday and Saturday, do I really need to list additional reasons why the Three Stooges Should be fired? Is a 4-15 record in May not enough? How's about this:
"Glendon throws 80 and straight. Let's lock him up for two years, and slot him into the third spot in the rotation."
"Jim does a great job of doing just barely not enough. Let's give him a two-year extension, and hope Dusty can cobble together a .500 record, so we can make a nice profit and keep the press somewhat off of our ass."
"Neifi swings and misses well from both sides of the plate. Let's lock him up for two years, and work him into every single game."
Hendry is primarily to blame for the current mess, but it's not like MacPhail or Baker have done anything to help the team get stronger. I doubt either of them had a problem with Hendry raiding the minors over the off-season to arrange this pile of crap squad, and now what we're left for the future appears to be another pile of crap. I mean, at this point, who the fuck would want damaged goods like Guzman, Wuertz or Williams? Thanks to the psychological damage inflicted by being called up too early and receiving zero instruction from the world's most detached coaching staff, none of our prospects appear to have any prospects. The way I see it, thanks to the Three Stooges, the Cubs have a whole bunch of young guys that are going to need a lot of un-learning if they're ever going to get good, which more or less ensures Cub futility for several years to come. And, in a sick and twisted way, the certainty of a rebuilding effort serves as job security for these boobs, because who else would even be willing to rebuild the organization AGAIN? They made this bed, let them sleep in it -- or so the thinking from the Tribune Tower seems to be.
Cubs fans are clamoring for a trade involving some veteran superstar, but what do the Cubs have to offer in a trade? All we have is problems, and who wants those? Who in their right mind would take Neifi or Glendon off our hands? Who'd want to assume nursemaid responsibilities for Wood or Prior? We've got two catchers, one of who can hit but not catch, and the other who can catch but not hit. We've got six guys who can play second, but only one of them can bat his weight. We've got a strong bullpen that we barely use and never get to, but can't afford to part with because godforbid we need them at some point. For fuck's sake: Our best pitcher is probably going to retire after this year. What a train wreck.
Basically, we're stuck with this pile of crap for the rest of the summer, and probably for next summer as well. Forget that we should never have signed half of the bench in the first place -- but what do the fans know anyway? Well, I'll tell you what I know: I was able to establish a long, long time ago that Rusch is terrible, that Perez was way over the hill, and that Blanco is capable of batting under .100. While it is extremely difficult to guess which youngsters will be superstars, it doesn't take a genius to point out a veteran guy who completely blows. And that, for all of you outsiders, is the essence of why the Cubs have always sucked: Cub history is liberally sprinkled with horrendous veteran personnel moves, teamed with a bunch of young guys we got lucky with.
Anyway, not surprisingly, the Cubs' play this weekend has left me bitter and defenseless, and when I feel bitter and defenseless, I start insulting people with impunity.
Today at the course, for example, a teenaged kid asked me if I like the White Sox. Reflexively, I said, "No. The bodywork on my car is one contiguous color, and I have all of my teeth." He gave me a look of utter confusion and walked away. Of course he didn't get it. He's a White Sox fan. I engaged in two other verbal confrontations as well, one involving a woman, another involving a barista, neither of which I care to comment upon.
Welcome to Chicago's on-going civil war. If you're a North Sider, Barrett was provoked and cracked a universally despised asshole. If you're a South Sider, Barrett wontonly attacked Pierzynski, because everybody knows how A.J. is sooooo misunderstood. My fucking ass. I actually heard him whine on the radio afterwards that he doesn't know why he's always involved in controversial plays. It's because you're such a huge fucking asshole, A.J. Figure it the fuck out.I can't believe the White Sox are this much better than us. F them. And, while I'm at it, f the DH, and screw the whole American League. I forget how much I hate the Sox until we actually play them, then I boil over with anger. I still hate the Cardinals more, though, for the record. If Whichever Molina pulled a Pierzynski, I'd be the first one waiting by the Cards team bus with a cup full of piss.
posted by Pat at 12:33 AM
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