Definition of Zero

Zero degrees fahrenheit is...

...feeling the freeze before the door even opens.

...taking a drag on a cigarette and, upon bringing it back up to your mouth, realizing that the filter has turned into a small block of ice.

...finding out the hard way that the pain of getting warm is much worse than the numbness of the initial freeze.

...enough to turn a bustling city into a ghost town.

...noticing that your hands are bright blue, and being thankful that you still have hands at all.

...convulsing so badly that you stop noticing after thirty seconds.

...not caring that other human beings are in close proximity.

...enough to turn a five-block walk into the Iditarod.

...wishing that you hadn't lost not one, but two Bears knit caps in the last month, and accepting that neither would have helped much anyway, even if worn together.

...wondering why we don't all move to Arizona, and then remembering that June is right around the corner.

...turning on the radio, hearing the announcer declare that the wind chill is negative thirty-two, and registering no surprise whatsoever at the news.

...my favorite city in the world, as of this very moment.