Can't We All Just Get Along?
I was on the Red Line this afternoon, going to (where else?) Wrigley. Needless to say, the L was packed to a comical degree. The CTA simply refuses to run an ample number of trains during Cubs games; it gets worse every year. At this point, it definitely constitutes a fire hazard. Somebody should inform Da Mayor of this problem, but he'd probably respond that he couldn't see a way for his family or one of his South Side crony ass pals to rip off the people through providing public servies in an effective manner, so nothing would get done about the problem anyway. Welcome to the Machine.
Anyway, I boarded at Chicago and sidled up right next to the door. At Division, these two kids hopped on, and I do mean hopped. They were maybe nineteen years old and completely punked out. I saw five different face piercings, three earrings in each ear, and a neck tattoo on one of the guys. The other had a mohawk with about five spikes gelled into place, and he reeked like a fresh pile of steaming crap. Mohawk guy unfortunately was wedged right up against me.
These two geniuses were sharing iPod headphones, which struck me as an intensely gay thing to do. Apparently the tune was really terribly bad in a way that only losers like them could possibly find enjoyable, because they were jumping around like they were in some freak club, as opposed to a packed commuter train.
After spikey-hair guy slapped me in the face with one of his rancid, malodorous peaks for the fifth time, I finally pulled out his earphone and said, "Listen, Shark Boy. I don't care if your mom didn't love you enough or your dad was an abusive, drunken molester. But if that fucking hair touches me one more time, I'm going to kick your ass at least as hard as your high school football team did. Oh, and take a fucking shower. You smell worse than you look." Piercing guy's face registered a look of horror (which was an improvement), and spikey-hair guy began to mumble something. He shut up pretty quickly when he turned around and saw that I had about six inches on him. Several of my fellow (normal) riders laughed out loud. Others looked away, as though they might suddenly erupt into a Columbine-esque rampage. But they were pussy-punkers and jumped off at North, the very next stop on the line.
Why can't we all just get along? Because sometimes people insist on being motherfucking assholes.
Anyway, I boarded at Chicago and sidled up right next to the door. At Division, these two kids hopped on, and I do mean hopped. They were maybe nineteen years old and completely punked out. I saw five different face piercings, three earrings in each ear, and a neck tattoo on one of the guys. The other had a mohawk with about five spikes gelled into place, and he reeked like a fresh pile of steaming crap. Mohawk guy unfortunately was wedged right up against me.
These two geniuses were sharing iPod headphones, which struck me as an intensely gay thing to do. Apparently the tune was really terribly bad in a way that only losers like them could possibly find enjoyable, because they were jumping around like they were in some freak club, as opposed to a packed commuter train.
After spikey-hair guy slapped me in the face with one of his rancid, malodorous peaks for the fifth time, I finally pulled out his earphone and said, "Listen, Shark Boy. I don't care if your mom didn't love you enough or your dad was an abusive, drunken molester. But if that fucking hair touches me one more time, I'm going to kick your ass at least as hard as your high school football team did. Oh, and take a fucking shower. You smell worse than you look." Piercing guy's face registered a look of horror (which was an improvement), and spikey-hair guy began to mumble something. He shut up pretty quickly when he turned around and saw that I had about six inches on him. Several of my fellow (normal) riders laughed out loud. Others looked away, as though they might suddenly erupt into a Columbine-esque rampage. But they were pussy-punkers and jumped off at North, the very next stop on the line.
Why can't we all just get along? Because sometimes people insist on being motherfucking assholes.
posted by Pat at 2:37 AM
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