Driving Post
To the people who drive during rush hour: Your existence must be pretty painful; I feel for you.
I decided to leave Wisconsin at 4:30 today, because hailstorms and rain scared away most of our customers. When I finally parked my car across the street, it was 7:15. Driving during rush hour is like chewing on broken glass.
It was mostly smooth sailing until I got off the highway. The tollbooths were nightmarish. Between dufuses without an I-Pass in the I-Pass lane, dopes who didn't have any money (let alone change), and the ambling monstrosities known as semi trucks, the entire roadway was like a parking lot for at least a mile. To make matters worse, the Kennedy out near O'Hare was continuation of this ridiculous jam-up. So, I got off the highway and went backroads.
I bumped into some guy's bumper. Was there a small dent? Yeah. Is the guy likely to call me back about it? Probably not. "That's a $2 bump on a $5 car. Call my lawyer." I also thanked him for contributing to the widespread perception that old people are the cause of most fender benders, and I mentioned that I suport banning drivers over 70.
Is this sort of ageism really a bad thing? No way. When you're talking about the operation of a big machine like a car, the natural decline in one's physical abilities becomes a big concern for the safety of all other drivers. The guy I rubbed tonight just stopped on a green light for no apparent reason. Is it my problem if he had a brain fart, or was momentarily confused, or forgot he had a green light after he'd already pulled across the stop line to complete his turn? When you get to the point where you shouldn't be driving a car, you shouldn't drive a car, period. That's why we have penalties for drunk driving. The AARP can go kiss my ass.
I hate semi trucks. Does anyone else have a problem with the sooty shit that pours out of these motherfuckers every fifteen seconds? The only efficient thing about them is their aptitude at fucking up the whole system. Granted, they give a certain slice of America an option besides cooking crystal meth for a living, but that benefit is laughably residual when you consider the damage they do to the rest of us.
Ever notice how jams and bottlenecks are always, always, ALWAYS because of a semi or--worse--a chain of multiple semis? I love it when they get side-by-side on 2-lane highways. What's going through their minds? Is one guy thinking, "Yeah, I'm beating that guy's ass by 2 miles per hour. He's my bitch." But in point of fact, Mr. Toothless Hillbilly, isn't it the whole driving public that really ends up being your bitch? Are you even aware of the other cars behind you, or are you too overly busy on your CB with the guy next to you, trying to figure out where the next oasis is so you can reminisce about growing up in the hills of West Virginia as you blow each other?
Why are we so beholden to these monsters? There's no doubt that traffic would move much more smoothly if it were not for semis trucks. I'm not saying there would never be traffic; there will always be small accidents with dim-witted elderly people, intersections timed by crack addicts, inconsiderate fucks double-parking, and assholes going 15 miles under the limit. But the pain of dealing with these machines from hell, and how they take FOREVER to accelerate and even logner to stop--there's got to be a better way to move shit around America.
That's why I propose we build a network of special roads--not particularly for use by passengers, but mostly for cargo shipments and the like. They'd be capable of hauling large amounts of goods across the many miles of our vast country. We could have a schedule of their departures and arrivals, so that companies could make schedules for smaller trucks to make local pickups and deliveries. We'll call them railways, and I'll bet they'll make life better for everybody.
I decided to leave Wisconsin at 4:30 today, because hailstorms and rain scared away most of our customers. When I finally parked my car across the street, it was 7:15. Driving during rush hour is like chewing on broken glass.
It was mostly smooth sailing until I got off the highway. The tollbooths were nightmarish. Between dufuses without an I-Pass in the I-Pass lane, dopes who didn't have any money (let alone change), and the ambling monstrosities known as semi trucks, the entire roadway was like a parking lot for at least a mile. To make matters worse, the Kennedy out near O'Hare was continuation of this ridiculous jam-up. So, I got off the highway and went backroads.
I bumped into some guy's bumper. Was there a small dent? Yeah. Is the guy likely to call me back about it? Probably not. "That's a $2 bump on a $5 car. Call my lawyer." I also thanked him for contributing to the widespread perception that old people are the cause of most fender benders, and I mentioned that I suport banning drivers over 70.
Is this sort of ageism really a bad thing? No way. When you're talking about the operation of a big machine like a car, the natural decline in one's physical abilities becomes a big concern for the safety of all other drivers. The guy I rubbed tonight just stopped on a green light for no apparent reason. Is it my problem if he had a brain fart, or was momentarily confused, or forgot he had a green light after he'd already pulled across the stop line to complete his turn? When you get to the point where you shouldn't be driving a car, you shouldn't drive a car, period. That's why we have penalties for drunk driving. The AARP can go kiss my ass.
I hate semi trucks. Does anyone else have a problem with the sooty shit that pours out of these motherfuckers every fifteen seconds? The only efficient thing about them is their aptitude at fucking up the whole system. Granted, they give a certain slice of America an option besides cooking crystal meth for a living, but that benefit is laughably residual when you consider the damage they do to the rest of us.
Ever notice how jams and bottlenecks are always, always, ALWAYS because of a semi or--worse--a chain of multiple semis? I love it when they get side-by-side on 2-lane highways. What's going through their minds? Is one guy thinking, "Yeah, I'm beating that guy's ass by 2 miles per hour. He's my bitch." But in point of fact, Mr. Toothless Hillbilly, isn't it the whole driving public that really ends up being your bitch? Are you even aware of the other cars behind you, or are you too overly busy on your CB with the guy next to you, trying to figure out where the next oasis is so you can reminisce about growing up in the hills of West Virginia as you blow each other?
Why are we so beholden to these monsters? There's no doubt that traffic would move much more smoothly if it were not for semis trucks. I'm not saying there would never be traffic; there will always be small accidents with dim-witted elderly people, intersections timed by crack addicts, inconsiderate fucks double-parking, and assholes going 15 miles under the limit. But the pain of dealing with these machines from hell, and how they take FOREVER to accelerate and even logner to stop--there's got to be a better way to move shit around America.
That's why I propose we build a network of special roads--not particularly for use by passengers, but mostly for cargo shipments and the like. They'd be capable of hauling large amounts of goods across the many miles of our vast country. We could have a schedule of their departures and arrivals, so that companies could make schedules for smaller trucks to make local pickups and deliveries. We'll call them railways, and I'll bet they'll make life better for everybody.
posted by Pat at 7:48 PM
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