Patpourri

Were it not for Google News, I never would have found this article.

Thoughts For Ellen

Three things I'd like to say, if only you weren't soundly asleep:

1. Why did you put a plastic bag containing four Red Bulls and a quart of milk in my fridge last night? Strange, yet somehow not surprising.

2. I am currently 3/5ths beer buzzed and 2/5ths tequila buzzed--each fractional part consumed in a bar outside of Wrigley. Accordingly, I am 1/1ths part pissed that my home park is not serviced by Miller and Cuervo products! Dammit Budweiser and Mai Tais! Viva la revolution!

3. Game on for dinner. Steak or something off Michigan, followed by OMR drinks/time? Or, let's watch the Grizzlies somewhere or here? Whatever, call me!

Back

Hey! What up? How goes it? Everybody listening? Good.

I've decided that it's time for the blogging to resume. I actually wrote a good deal of material while I was away, both for the Pruitt story and WIS postings. The blog posts from over my break are (slowly) being edited and published, and you'll find them scattered around over the past couple months. So if you were jonesing for mindless reading for to pass the time, you'd best browse the March and April archives.

What's up with me? Well, as you know, 'Nova blew in the Elite Eight, which was very upsetting. But, the Cubs got off to a great start, summer weather has made a couple of early-spring appearances, I went down to Florida for a few days, and the golf course has opened for business. That's pretty much the summary of what I've been up to--yet I've managed to interject enough nonsensical ramblings to transform the simple story of what I see into the colossal flow-of-consciousness project that is What I See.

It's really great to be back, and thanks for stopping by. Talk at you soon...

Most Unlikely Spokesman

With DLee out until the All-Star break, the player least likely is now the Cubs' soundbite-master and clubhouse leader.

As a lefty batter with a .300 average, Todd Walker didn't become a regular until this year, his third as a Cub. In 2004, Grudzielanek's right-handed bat provided Dusty with a situational option for his game of ever-changing batting orders and situational appearances. Walker played almost every game last year before a vicious take-out slide by former Sux amd current Brewer left fielder Carlos Lee. (C. Lee, by the way, will be a first ballot Rim Jobber Hall of Famer if they ever build one. And, if they do ever build the RJHOF, it will probably be in Cleveland, the world's most boring place. But I digress.) Following the knee injury, Walker's playing time appeared to be limited by the (possibly incorrect) belief that he was never really tight with Dusty.

Walker didn't even show up at Cubs Convention; until that weekend, it looked like Walker was written off by Cubs management. He was the number one topic of fan anger at that gathering. There were few other questions posed besides, "Why don't you guys like Todd Walker? Why don't you just name him the starter? Why don't you want a left-handed .300 hitter?" The 2006 Cubs Convention was a turning point for Walker, whose stock was suddenly back on the rise in Spring Training. I could be completely wrong about this--maybe he really was the plan all along--but I consider the Walker movement at the convention to be a rare case of fan democracy prevailing.

The question of what to do with Walker has frustrated the heck out of Cubs fans for the last three years. Walker's been the best option at that position since the day he signed, but it seemed like management always disagreed, always had some alternative, always stood poised to trade him. How preposterous! Walker is a professional hitter, and for a team that has struggled to get guys on base ahead of the big boppers since...well...forever, singles and doubles should be a golden commodity, not trade bait for Preston Wilson or some gaggle of marginal ability. He's hit .290 as a Cub, and he's shown decent for a middle infielder. In the wake of the DLee injury, his move from second to first--the easist defensive transistion in baseball--means he won't be saddled with quesitons about his aptitude as a middle infielder, though I don't foresee him prospering in the three slot. As far as I'm concerned, he was poised to have a terrific season in 2006, but the DLee injury will most likely change everything.

Random Thought Of The Day

I really like the way President Bush gives the salute. It's a nice little "Right back atcha, pardner" karate chop action. Posessing of a forceful, unnatural jerkiness, it reminds one of the fact that he once signed up for--but never actually served in--the armed forces. This must drive his salute recipients absolutely crazy, many of whom are badass Marines who are out of their minds with patriotism and obsessed with doing things the right way.

Setting his inability to salute aside, I still voted for the guy twice. If nothing else, he strikes me as a pretty funny guy. Pllus, he often reacts to awkward, nerves-inspiring questions in much the same way I expect I would. Anyway, "Meet the new boss / Same as the old boss" and all of that crap.

The Pits

As you might have guessed, Derrek Lee's injury is a terrible, terrible blow for the Chicago Cubs. If the big man went home from the doctor yesterday and cried his eyes out, I wouldn't hold it against him one bit. You could tell that he was really looking forward to 2006, and who could blame him?

The Cubs played really well during the first three weeks. Lee was off to another great start: 10 RBIs, 14 runs, 5 steals, and, at times, mind-bogglingly stellar defense. The pitching held up better than anyone would have expected. When Pierre got on, pitchers and catchers couldn't decide which was a scarier scenario: Juan on base, or DLee at the plate. Walk, Barrett, Murton and Cedeno are hitting the crap out of the ball, to a large degree negating typical slow starts by Aramis and Jones. The Cardinals are beatable; so are the Astros. The division is wide open.

But now that we lost Lee, the 2006 season will not be an easy one.

His 2005 break-out was not a surprise for attentive baseball fans. Over the last four years, he has devoloped a ferocious stroke at the plate, without succumbing to the swing-for-it-all instincts which plagued recent Cubs power hitters. (No need to name them; life goes on.) DLee sees a ton of pitches, takes a lot of walks, and poses a legitimate base stealing threat. First basemen have reached the 30 homer-30 steal plateau only twice in baseball history: Joe Carter in 1987, and Jeff Bagwell in 1999. DLee's still got the potential to become the third member of that excusive club, but it's not gonna happen in 2006. From that point of view, the game of baseball was robbed by Furcal playing football and Eyre playing God-knows-what.

It is terrible to remind you all of it, but this injury marks the effective end of the summer before it got a chance to get going. Your typical North Sider relates the summer sun, fields of green, and his sense of community with Wrigley Field. When the Cubs are in conention, the city crackles. When the Cubs are bad, life somehow takes on a little less shine.

Rather than make a roadtrip to Minneapolis or Cincy to watch the Cubbies, I'm more inclined to see a couple more Panic shows. I'll still make it to 25-30 games, maybe one at Milwaukee and another at Comiskey, but I won't be as rabid as I might be if we really had a shot. The sad fact of the matter is, we're pretty screwed without Lee.

You don't want to make too much of the first game without him, but let's look at tonight's lineup:

Pierre L 8
Hairston 4
Walker L 3
Ramirez 5
Barrett 2
Jones L 9
Murton 7
Cedeno 6
Williams 1

The Cubs played pretty okay tonight, considering that they started two second basemen on the right side and didn't have much of a power presence in the 3-hole. But Hairston and Ramirez worked their way onto base, and Barrett got all of a high fastball from Mark Mulder. A fifth inning three-run jack would normally serve to inspire a bench, considering the circumstances. Unfortunately, Williams allowed 7 runs in the first two innings, negating the impact of Barrett's home run.

The only way the Cubs can survive the DLee set back -- and this is a huge improbability -- is if the following occur:

1. Jones gets over his nagging hamstring and hits third or fifth regularly. This matchup stuff is driving me crazy.

2. Barrett keeps up his current pace, setting career marks in all offensive categories, which is unlikely to happen. His defense is a question; they just run on him. Combine Barrett's bat and Blanco's arm, and you've got the best catcher in the league. Unfortunately, you can start one or the other.

3. Ramirez returns to 40 homer-100 RBI form in the next week, at the latest.

4. Two of the three disabled starters -- Wood, Prior, Miller -- come back with Cy Young-potential stuff.

5. Maddux and the bullpen continue to post ERAs under 2, and Zambrano gets some run support, a wider strike zone, and a Xanax prescription. It's time he learns to chill out and start being a professional. You don't see Johann Santana or Chris Carpenter jumping around like morons, and the umpires resent his antics.

This next week is going to be tough. They have 2 more against the Cards, and three against Milwaukee. The remainder of the schedule through May is more or less a stinking joke. Thankfully, the Cubs have to play most of the NL West as well as the AAAA Marlins. If the Cubs came wrap up May 10 games over .500, which is admittedly quite a stretch, they will be in good shape -- not great shape, just good shape. For the June schedule makes me want to hide under my bed, because we face the best of the NL East and AL Central. If they manage to limp to the Fourth of July hovering over .500, it will take as much luck as talent. And, if they are capable of pulling off this feat without their superstar, I'd say they're shoo-ins for a playoff spot. I sure as hell hope so, but it doesn't look good.

Random Thought Of The Day

The best flavor of stuff is red.

Random Thought Of The Day

Dodger right fielder J.D. Drew's real name is David Jonathan Drew. What a hillbilly.

Fearless Leader

Cubs.com ran an article that shed some light on Dusty Baker's days as a brawler, which strikes me as an odd thing to publicize. Does breaking your hand multiple times in various street fights make one a better leader, or a complete moron? Both, I guess.

Glen-done

You're a lucky guy, Glendon Rusch. Like you, I was also thinking about your performance today. Unlike you, however, I wasn't able to get my hand up to my mouth in time to keep the vomit from hurtling forth. You owe me a load of laundry, you dead-armed ass!

There's More Where That Came From!

Bon Week-end

The Cubs swept the Cards. It was hugely intense. I had some nachos at my seat and a cig in the Friendly Confines Cafe, each game but in a different order. Took it easy during the games. Then we hit the bars.

Saturday night, during the cab ride home with my sister and her boyfriend Ron, I launched a stream of tasteless insults at our driver, because I felt antagonized by his strange looks of resoundingly shady implications, something like, "You're drunk; I'm taking the long route home." As predicted, after one mile's ride, we ran into a brutal two-mile stretch of traffic, exactly at the spot I'd been screaming we ought to avoid. If the dick had not written me off for being too plastered to know basic directions, we would have had a much, much cheaper fare. This was a crucial point seeing as we had very little money left between us--just enough for the short route home.

My sister was appalled by my antics; Ron kept repeating, "I totally agree with Pat; this guy is ridiculous." After I ran out of insults (yes, it is possible), I laughed with intoxicated and self-satisfied glee brought about by Ron's opinion that I was both blasted AND correct. It was quite a big moment, at least the parts that I remember. As a matter of fact, there were parts of the ride that will not be listed here because I'd rather forget them, so we'll leave it at that.

As we split from the cab, I put $10 dollars on the back seat and told the guy to screw off, because that's what it would have been if we'd gone my way. Later, my sister asked me if I had engaged in an altercation with the driver after leaving the car, because I walked in the opposite direction of my house, whereas they sprinted right into Ron's building. The sad reality is, it took me a block and a half of walking to remember which way was home. I'm not sure what happened to the cabbie, and I could care less.

I jabbered with the doorman for a little when I got home. He pretended to know where I was coming from, but I know he clearly didn't and I don't blame him at all. I was even a source of confusion for myself by that point, especially after all that screaming. Earlier in the night, I received a call from the same doorman, informing me that Ellen had managed to sneak into the building and was asleep in my hallway. They let her into my place at about 10, and she was curled up safe and sound when I got in at 1. Good times, good times.

Someone asked me this weekend, "Why'd you take a break from blogging?"

Yeah--why did I?

Doctor K

Sad.